Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
