Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
