had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
