I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
