He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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