Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
