so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
