He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
sex in a hospital.. check
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
