What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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