Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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