you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
