I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
