Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
the liver wants what the liver wants
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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