my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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