In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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