I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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