Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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