The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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