just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
