Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
