3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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