That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
