dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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