She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
