I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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