sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
