so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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