I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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