Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
