: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
