For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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