Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
