id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
