I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
