dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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