I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
