I feel great
I just peed on a car
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
