What a fucking waste of an outfit
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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