im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
