38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
