The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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