it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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