just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
