They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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