i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
