We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
