some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Vodka?
Forever.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
