I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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