I look better un-naked...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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