There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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