where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
